Well, I made it through surgery, no surprise there! But I suddenly noticed that I couldn't stand certain hairs on my head, eyelashes and eyebrows. They would feel wrong or maybe even have a sore, pimple like bump around the root. I would pull the hair out and feel the most exquisite sense of relief. But then another hair would feel wrong.

This went on for a couple more years. In the meantime I was trying to get pregnant with my second child and going through tremendous stress because I just could not get pregnant. The hair pulling was getting so bad that I was having bald spots on my scalp. I would have no eyebrows or eyelashes at times but was getting so artful with makeup that nobody noticed.

When the bald spots finally became noticeable I told people that for some reason my hair was falling out. I was too ashamed to say that I was pulling it out. I blamed it on an imaginary infection I picked up at the hospital. Finally, one day I told a friend about it and that in truth I was pulling the hairs out myself. She says Oh, my brother has that. It is called Trichotillomania." Her brother was affiliated with the Trichotillomania Learning Center and he sent me some information about the disorder.

After reading through the material I knew that what I suffered with actually had a name and I wasn't the only one doing it! At this same time I had just given birth to my second child and started suffering from post baby blues. They never went away. Now I had depression on top of the trich. I took the information to my dr. and she started me out on an anti-depressant. I did better for awhile. The depression was gone but the hair pulling seemed to keep on increasing. My head was starting to get so bald that I had to wear a scarf or hat all the time. At this point  3/4 of my scalp hair was gone. I had to start wearing wigs.

It was then that I decided I needed therapy. I started out seeing a psychologist. He was wonderful but always seemed to want to focus on my childhood. He did help me through a rough time when my grandmother died and my nephew ended up in the State Mental Hospital with Reactive Attachment Disorder. But one day this young, thirty something doctor had a heart attack and had to cut way back on his schedule. He just became too hard to get an appointment with.

At this point I decided to see a psychiatrist that specialized in behavior therapy. He kept trying me on many different medications. I have been on Zoloft, Prozac, Paxil, Luvox, Anafranil, Depakote, and Buspar. The only one that really worked was the Anafranil and that was because it made me so tired I couldn't even lift my arms up high enough to pull out my hair! The last medication he put me on was Luvox and it made me kind of schizophrenic. I nearly divorced my husband and to this day have huge hunks of my memories during that time completely missing.

We tried some behavior therapy and it helped, for awhile. My psychiatrist seemed to be more interested in the fame of my husband than in me and would spend the first 15 minutes of my hour talking about my husband. And then one day he started using inappropriate language. It was then I decided to leave him. I found another Psychiatrist that was a woman. I really liked her. But, she wouldn't see me for anything but meds. I was to see an associate in the practice for my therapy. This woman was not good. She would spend the first 15 minutes of my appointment talking about how her husband was dying of a brain tumor and the secretary had just found she had breast cancer and was going to die. Well, let me tell you, I ALWAYS left that appointment in tears. At this stage I became suicidal. I finally decided I had enough of therapists. I was going to wing it on my own.

During this time I had signed on to Compuserve and was very active in the Mental Health Forum. It was wonderful and I made friends for life. I've met some of them in person. Two of which have trich also. But as always things change and I had to change servers. I missed the forum so much that I decided to start my own list. I had been a member of several other Trichotillomania mailing lists and wasn't happy with the things that went on there. I thought I would find compassion and information. Instead I found cat fights. My goal was to create a list that was informative, compassionate, friendly and fun.

This is a new list and so far has small membership. I am hoping the list will grow and grow. It is not limited to those with trich. Anyone with any mental health problem or even a family member of someone who is suffering from mental problems are welcome to join this list.

I would like to invite you to join us and find some friendship and sharing. We are a great group of people and you won't be sorry!